March Recap Part 1

“I’m fragile.  I feel Pain.  I hurt.  I open my eyes.  I create.  I conquer.  I hold the power

I’m a thinker.  I create victory.  I do not give up.  I feel no fear.  I fear no man.

I’m an athlete, a warrior, an artist”

Let’s take a look at the successes an failures of my 8 March resolutions and then set up the tone for the next phase of the Happiness Project.

 

Promote the blog

I feel I did very well exposing certain parts of my life that I normally would keep hidden from those around me.  I got a lot of kind responses.  Some said that it took a lot of courage, it was inspiring, or entertaining.   All those words made me feel great.  Connected the blog with a lot of other social media sites like Google +, Tumblr, and Twitter.  Those are still in their beta stage.  I even connected it with my LinkedIn Page just in case there were any publishers out there…wink wink.  Yea right.  I disconnected that shit after I saw my boss had viewed my profile…cool feature on LinkedIn, and the referenced it in a subtle way.  No way TOO AWKWARD.  Like I said earlier in the month, I played around with the functionality of the site.  Learning about categories and tags and eventually getting some “likes” from other bloggers when I touched on their subjects.  Like “wanderlust” and “autism” and “motivation”

At the end of the month.  The blog represents a process of a project.  And I have much more progress to make.  But I am very proud of some of its content.

 

Keep the Resolution Chart

Gretchen kept a ‘Resolution Chart” for all her resolutions.  Just a simple spread sheet where she have herself a “check” for a successful resolution and an “x” for a failure for each day of the month.   I have myself a HUGE X on this one.  I started out fine but I found it not very meaningful to do.  I knew if I did it or not.  Plus I wrote about it.  There is a certain level of accountability when those around you know what you said you were going to do.  Another reason I shared it on FB.

 

Take a Day off

March was a rough month to commit to taking a fully unplugged day off each week.  Since I only have 5 days out of the restaurant for the entire calendar month.  But I did manage 2 days off one week and 1 day off in the following weeks.  This past weekend I was able achieve touchdown.  I didn’t think about work at all.  I didn’t talk to my managers.  I didn’t check the online manager log.  I didn’t connect to the email server.  And it felt like victory.

 

 

“Responsibility/Fault Fallacy”

3/21

What a beautiful day.

I decided to ditch my evening to-do list for a while and get the boys out of the house.

We walked up be the canal.   Liam giggling with delight every time we went over a slushy bump.  I was able to convince Maddex that giant snow shoe marks with actually Big Foot Prints.

But soon Liam drifted into dream land and Maddex got lost in his headset as most kids his age tend to do.  I got lost in my own mind.

I was thinking about Happiness in an abstract sense.

In my most recently read book.  The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.  (no its not a book about not giving a fuck about anything.  It about how we as a society give too many fucks about the wrong things and not enough fucks about the right things).  Mark Manson talks about who it really responsible for our happiness as well as our unhappiness.

 

“Responsibility and fault often appear together in our culture. But they are not the same thing. If I hit you with my car, I am both at fault and likely legally responsible to compensate you in some way. Even if hitting you with my car was an accident, I would still be responsible. This is the way fault works in our society. If you fuck up, you’re on the hook for making it right. And it should be that way.

But there are also problems we aren’t at fault for, yet we are still responsible for them.”

See we can have all these reasons to be unhappy and all these people to blame.

“My parents beat me growing.  My Boss is a jerk.  My boyfriend left me for another girl”

And it’s ok to blame these things  for a while.  But YOU are responsible for how you feel about those things.  You are responsible for your emotions.   Even in extreme cases of sorrow and tragedy.  It is up to you to find a way to cope.  And Find a way to be happy again.   I know that sounds cold but that’s the reality.

I had a lot of things bothering me at the end of last year.  I could sit there and blame my  unhappiness  on everyone and everything but myself.  But instead it was up to me to do something about it.

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Feb 19th _ family day

Feeling good today.

I woke up at 330 and contemplated getting up and start the day.   But I forced myself to stay in bed and finally got back to sleep around 5.   Kind of a paradox from my previous behavior.  “Always hit the ground running” but I’m trying to take time to rest.  I slept soundly until 8 feeling refreshed.

I got the boys up and rolling and we went to  Dunkin and then to the mall that has a big play area…one of those soft plastic enclosed areas that the little ones can hold and jump and slide.   Upside…It’s free.   Then we walked the mall.   I know it doesn’t sound like much.  But Patti and I get a lot of joy watching the kids run down the halls of the deserted mall.

The rest of the day was spent cleaning up the house and relaxing.  I got to take a walk on my own which was amazing.  Gave me hope that spring will come.  All the traveling I must do.

Introduction

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Like so many other people, I found 2016 to be a not very good year.  But my year was bad because of politics, the economy, or the vast string of celebrity deaths.  As 2016 drew to a close I found myself to probably me the most unhappy that I have ever been.  Unhappy with my work, my marriage, and with life in general.  The problem was that the reason for my unhappiness was unclear.  I had a have job, a recently purchased house, and a beautiful family, but I found myself constantly trying to escape to a new life.

I knew I had to find a way to fix these feelings of discontent.  It wasn’t until I found an audio book named THE HAPPINESS PROJECT, by Gretchen Rubin that I hoped would point me in the right direction.  The Happiness Project Chronicles a year in the life of a NYC wife and mother of two as she makes 12 months of resolutions all centered about making her happier.  Was it easy for her? Of course not.  But after a year of blogging about her experience she found herself the happiest she had ever been and it didn’t require a major life change.  It inspired me to start my own Happiness Project.  January 1st is just around the corner and I can’t wait to get started

Bill

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December 31st

A little bit about myself before I dive into why I am starting a Happiness project.

I’m 30 years old living in a small suburb near to Syracuse, New York.  I am married with 3 boys.  Maddex (11) technically my step son but I love and care for him like my own, Lucas (5) lives with his Mother in Buffalo when he is not with us. Liam (2) we had shortly after we got married.  My wife Patti and I have been together almost 5 years now.

I work as a General manager in a local restaurant and my wife works a server at a different restaurant.  We don’t rely on babysitters so we have to work opposite shifts which can prove very difficult.

So Why am I starting a happiness project?  As I said about there was no major, defining reason for my unhappiness.  Just a lot of small ones.

– not on the top of my game a work : after three straight years of being in the upper tier of performance in my company, my performance seems to have peaked Now i have slipped into the mediocre at least in my own mind

lack of close relationships: Throughout my life I have only have a couple close friends at a time. My two best friends in my adult life  have both more off intro their own adult lives

lack of relationship with,  my wife Patti : Patti leaving her job and going back to Zebbs (restaurant) added new stress on our relationship. Sure she was making more money which was a huge source of stress when she wasn’t. But now she was working 5 nights a week and going in at 5. Which gave us a few minutes together each of those days. And Monday nights. sometimes we would get luck with a Friday night or Tuesday morning but that was occasional.

amount of time seeing  Luke: my first son Lucas, I have had trouble coping with only seeing him every other weekend. his mother has recently gotten engaged with has been this anxiety escalate.

struggles with work – loosing my right hand and assistant in the middle of the year has proved a challenge. My current management team is good but we still have a lot of growing to do

It’s NYE obviously,

Check out my post explaining exactly what a happiness project consists off.

Then check back  for January’s resolutions